WEBVTT 00:00:06.994 --> 00:00:09.719 Sarah, I really thought the way you handled the situation 00:00:09.743 --> 00:00:12.124 with the group earlier today was good. 00:00:12.200 --> 00:00:14.563 Thanks. I had great advice from a friend. 00:00:14.588 --> 00:00:17.487 But you made it happen. I wish I could. 00:00:17.512 --> 00:00:18.895 Did you run into a problem? 00:00:18.919 --> 00:00:20.940 Yeah. It happened yesterday. 00:00:22.330 --> 00:00:25.536 I’ve had it with Tyler! Today, he bowed down in front of everyone, 00:00:25.641 --> 00:00:29.145 ‘Oh, your Highness, I see you came to grace us with your presence 00:00:29.170 --> 00:00:30.754 and you’re only 10 minutes late.’ 00:00:30.779 --> 00:00:33.381 He knew I was in another meeting and was gonna be late. 00:00:33.517 --> 00:00:37.230 I told him to knock it off but he won’t. Can you please get him to stop? 00:00:37.255 --> 00:00:38.945 You know how he is. 00:00:38.969 --> 00:00:40.628 Can’t you just deal with it? 00:00:40.652 --> 00:00:42.715 I’ve got all I can handle. 00:00:42.808 --> 00:00:43.940 Great! 00:00:46.384 --> 00:00:48.100 That sounds like a tough situation. 00:00:48.124 --> 00:00:49.979 I’d like to help but I have to go. 00:00:50.085 --> 00:00:51.764 Actually, could you do me a favor? 00:00:51.788 --> 00:00:52.615 Sure. 00:00:52.640 --> 00:00:54.506 You know that repair shop down the street? 00:00:54.530 --> 00:00:56.007 Uh... the one on Main Street? Ya? 00:00:56.032 --> 00:00:59.390 Yes. They have my antique clock and I’m supposed to pick it up today but I can’t. 00:00:59.415 --> 00:01:01.825 I was wondering if you could get it for me. It will really help me out. 00:01:01.850 --> 00:01:03.270 Sure. I can get it after work. 00:01:03.301 --> 00:01:04.449 Great. Thanks. 00:01:04.473 --> 00:01:08.530 And I think you’ll find the shop owner to be a very interesting person. 00:01:08.630 --> 00:01:11.313 Ooookay. I’ll bring your clock tomorrow. 00:01:12.327 --> 00:01:13.682 Hey! Got a minute? 00:01:13.706 --> 00:01:14.688 Yeah, sure. 00:01:15.113 --> 00:01:17.428 I’m afraid I’m gonna ruin this with the grinder. 00:01:17.645 --> 00:01:20.870 Well, ya know I think if you stick a little shim up under that grinder, 00:01:20.905 --> 00:01:24.297 you can angle it up and get to the rough spots without damaging the paint. 00:01:24.322 --> 00:01:25.102 I’ll try that. 00:01:25.126 --> 00:01:26.084 Okay, good. 00:01:26.458 --> 00:01:27.709 Hi! How may I help you? 00:01:27.733 --> 00:01:29.937 I’m here to pick up a clock for Sarah Jasper. 00:01:29.969 --> 00:01:31.556 Sar... Ohhhh! Umm... 00:01:31.581 --> 00:01:33.005 Interesting situation. 00:01:33.030 --> 00:01:35.028 That’s not gonna be ready for about another week. 00:01:35.053 --> 00:01:36.093 It’s not finished? 00:01:36.117 --> 00:01:37.958 No, there were some complications, 00:01:37.983 --> 00:01:39.822 but we’ll make sure to get it up and running right. 00:01:39.846 --> 00:01:42.068 I know all about complications. 00:01:42.093 --> 00:01:45.639 Oh, doesn’t seem like we’re talking about clock repairs now, are we? 00:01:45.664 --> 00:01:46.889 You caught me. 00:01:46.913 --> 00:01:51.528 I… someone I supervise at work asked me for help, and I let her down. 00:01:51.553 --> 00:01:52.434 Oh? 00:01:52.459 --> 00:01:55.326 Well, I have two employees and they don’t get along. 00:01:55.350 --> 00:01:58.115 One likes to tease, and he upset the other one. 00:01:58.140 --> 00:02:00.445 And, it’s not the first time it’s happened. 00:02:00.470 --> 00:02:03.938 So, did the person who was teased come to you for help? 00:02:04.231 --> 00:02:06.332 Yeah, but I think I did the right thing 00:02:06.357 --> 00:02:09.393 when I told her to work it out with him a few weeks ago. 00:02:09.505 --> 00:02:11.836 She tried, but he didn’t stop. 00:02:11.951 --> 00:02:15.515 She came back to me for help and I kinda blew her off. 00:02:15.801 --> 00:02:18.519 Looks like she used a “Flight” response. 00:02:18.551 --> 00:02:20.615 And yet as a supervisor... 00:02:20.640 --> 00:02:23.377 it’s really her job to address the problem. 00:02:23.546 --> 00:02:24.530 Not avoid it. 00:02:24.555 --> 00:02:27.620 And there’s a downside the problem doesn’t go away, 00:02:27.644 --> 00:02:30.234 in fact it only gets worse. 00:02:30.501 --> 00:02:34.526 The request for help was a trigger, or stressor to Fiona. 00:02:34.862 --> 00:02:37.440 She’s probably afraid if she gets involved, 00:02:37.575 --> 00:02:40.644 she’ll make someone mad and damage a relationship. 00:02:40.669 --> 00:02:42.713 Sounds like you wanted to take Flight. 00:02:43.142 --> 00:02:44.204 I wanted to what? 00:02:44.229 --> 00:02:48.409 Sometimes when we’re stressed, our body goes into a “Flight,” response mode. 00:02:48.592 --> 00:02:51.617 When we take “Flight,” we avoid taking action. 00:02:51.657 --> 00:02:55.232 Well I definitely want to avoid confrontation at all costs. 00:02:55.363 --> 00:02:59.222 I get this nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach, it’s awful. 00:02:59.371 --> 00:03:01.654 Understandable. Mind if I show ya something? 00:03:01.678 --> 00:03:02.604 Please. 00:03:02.629 --> 00:03:06.075 Okay. Well, I know a broken clock won’t fix itself. 00:03:06.099 --> 00:03:09.274 If I don’t act, the problem can affect the rest of the clock. 00:03:09.299 --> 00:03:11.049 Now, the workplace is just like this. 00:03:11.073 --> 00:03:13.425 An employee who treats others poorly… 00:03:13.616 --> 00:03:16.468 it’s like a gear that slips in a clock. 00:03:16.809 --> 00:03:19.889 His actions are affecting the whole rest of the team. 00:03:20.633 --> 00:03:22.367 I think I see where you’re going with this. 00:03:22.392 --> 00:03:26.539 So, if I act to resolve the problem between the employees, then 00:03:26.563 --> 00:03:28.284 I protect the team as a whole? 00:03:28.355 --> 00:03:29.763 Yes, that’s right. 00:03:29.787 --> 00:03:32.829 Now, I can tell you’re very worried about hurting other people. 00:03:33.001 --> 00:03:34.309 But you can get past that. 00:03:34.333 --> 00:03:38.289 I mean, remember, your entire team will benefit if you act. 00:03:38.354 --> 00:03:42.161 I understand. But still just thinking about it makes me nervous. 00:03:42.605 --> 00:03:44.758 Okay. Let’s see if we can help with that. 00:03:45.230 --> 00:03:48.811 Okay, let’s say at 12:00, your employee 00:03:48.835 --> 00:03:50.911 came to you to complain about your co-worker. 00:03:50.936 --> 00:03:52.930 This is your stressful event, your trigger. 00:03:52.954 --> 00:03:54.468 My high-noon moment. 00:03:54.493 --> 00:03:57.271 Well, exactly. How did you respond? 00:03:57.338 --> 00:03:59.656 Well, I totally avoided the situation. 00:03:59.680 --> 00:04:02.405 I told her I was busy… and she left upset. 00:04:02.474 --> 00:04:04.903 Okay. So what do you think happened next? 00:04:05.146 --> 00:04:08.753 Well if I know the employee… she didn’t just let it lie. 00:04:09.587 --> 00:04:14.643 So, if she was upset after meeting with you at 3:00, 00:04:15.029 --> 00:04:17.434 can we assume that at 6:00, 00:04:17.459 --> 00:04:21.405 that she handled her next encounter with the employee in a negative way? 00:04:21.449 --> 00:04:24.903 Yeah… She probably said something that wasn’t nice and... 00:04:24.928 --> 00:04:26.803 who knows… she might have even complained about 00:04:26.828 --> 00:04:28.451 both of us to a different co-worker. 00:04:28.476 --> 00:04:31.426 Okay, let’s say she said something sarcastic 00:04:31.450 --> 00:04:33.395 the next time she saw the young man. 00:04:33.595 --> 00:04:38.023 Is it possible that he would retaliate against her in some way at 9:00? 00:04:38.048 --> 00:04:39.118 Most definitely! 00:04:39.142 --> 00:04:40.741 Are you starting to see a pattern? 00:04:40.905 --> 00:04:43.623 We’re just going in circles. How do I stop this? 00:04:43.757 --> 00:04:47.224 Well, let’s try something different. At 12:00, there’s the showdown. 00:04:47.274 --> 00:04:51.043 Something hurtful is said and the young lady asks you for help. 00:04:51.377 --> 00:04:54.934 And instead of reacting right away, take a moment. 00:04:55.463 --> 00:04:58.122 You mean get my composure before reacting? 00:04:58.179 --> 00:05:01.067 Yes. Take a moment to think about it. You know... 00:05:01.099 --> 00:05:04.439 Sometimes taking a couple of deep breaths before speaking helps. 00:05:04.482 --> 00:05:08.175 That’s a good idea. When I don’t pause to think, I get overwhelmed. 00:05:08.200 --> 00:05:12.533 And then, my knee-jerk reaction is just to avoid dealing with the situation. 00:05:12.613 --> 00:05:16.574 So, after you’ve paused and you get ready to respond at 3:00, 00:05:16.801 --> 00:05:19.975 next, you’ll identify a positive response. 00:05:20.157 --> 00:05:22.453 That… that’s a good idea cuz then I’ve taken a moment 00:05:22.478 --> 00:05:25.420 to think about it and I can come up with a better response. 00:05:25.537 --> 00:05:27.308 And that might be?? 00:05:27.368 --> 00:05:32.072 Well, instead of blowing her off, I can tell her I’ll look into it. 00:05:32.128 --> 00:05:35.763 She needs to know I care and that I’m not avoiding her. 00:05:35.851 --> 00:05:37.425 How does that make you feel? 00:05:37.763 --> 00:05:40.095 Well, honestly… Pretty nervous. 00:05:40.287 --> 00:05:41.901 Well, that’s normal. 00:05:42.168 --> 00:05:46.659 Fear is your body’s natural response to being forced out of its typical pattern. 00:05:46.684 --> 00:05:49.139 Now, in the past, you’ve chosen to flee... 00:05:49.163 --> 00:05:51.373 but now, you’ve decided to act. 00:05:51.469 --> 00:05:57.283 So, let’s say that at 3:00 you decide to confront the employee who teases. 00:05:57.497 --> 00:06:01.946 Now as the clock moves forward, you’re gonna need to manage your emotions. 00:06:02.254 --> 00:06:05.411 Ok, let’s say I ask him to stop teasing. 00:06:05.436 --> 00:06:06.689 He might get mad at me? 00:06:06.722 --> 00:06:09.925 Well, he might. But remember, 00:06:10.060 --> 00:06:14.056 you’re doing this to support a respectful workplace for everyone. 00:06:15.079 --> 00:06:19.356 I understand. I think I can manage my emotions and stay with it. 00:06:19.399 --> 00:06:20.410 There you go! 00:06:20.434 --> 00:06:22.019 But I don’t know what to say. 00:06:22.173 --> 00:06:26.990 Well, the words will come once you envision a successful outcome. 00:06:27.015 --> 00:06:29.056 Now, what does your ideal outcome look like? 00:06:29.100 --> 00:06:32.843 Well, that he stop teasing and they both get along. 00:06:33.143 --> 00:06:34.779 Well, I like that picture. 00:06:34.804 --> 00:06:35.745 Me, too. 00:06:35.770 --> 00:06:36.656 Thanks! 00:06:36.680 --> 00:06:37.713 You’re welcome! 00:06:40.082 --> 00:06:41.832 Hi. Hey, I’m sorry to interrupt. 00:06:41.857 --> 00:06:43.894 I’m just about ready to… 00:06:43.918 --> 00:06:45.532 I’m so frustrated with Tyler. 00:06:45.557 --> 00:06:48.323 - Steve, could we reschedule? - Absolutely. I’m around all afternoon. 00:06:49.058 --> 00:06:51.487 I’m sorry to interrupt. He’s at it again. 00:06:51.512 --> 00:06:54.902 Tyler just does not know when to stop. I’ve done all I can. 00:06:55.037 --> 00:06:57.669 Okay. Let me think about this for a second. 00:06:58.574 --> 00:07:00.754 There’s obviously an issue here. 00:07:00.778 --> 00:07:02.474 I’ll look into it right away. 00:07:02.687 --> 00:07:04.895 Thank you, Fiona. I appreciate it. 00:07:06.823 --> 00:07:07.651 Hi, Tyler. 00:07:07.676 --> 00:07:09.905 Hey, what brings you to this neck of the woods? 00:07:09.930 --> 00:07:12.312 I’ve got something to talk to you about. Do you have a minute? 00:07:12.337 --> 00:07:13.265 What’s up? 00:07:13.290 --> 00:07:15.278 You know I value what you do, right? 00:07:15.515 --> 00:07:16.395 Yeah. 00:07:16.477 --> 00:07:18.070 I can use your help with a problem. 00:07:18.094 --> 00:07:19.012 Shoot. 00:07:19.037 --> 00:07:21.119 I got a complaint that you called out Liz 00:07:21.144 --> 00:07:24.173 in front of everybody just for being a few minutes late. 00:07:24.400 --> 00:07:25.480 Are you kidding? 00:07:25.505 --> 00:07:28.005 She said you knew she was in a meeting. Is that true? 00:07:28.052 --> 00:07:30.889 Yeah… but I was just joking. She needs to lighten up! 00:07:30.927 --> 00:07:34.336 Even if you don’t mean it, most people are hurt when they’re teased. 00:07:34.475 --> 00:07:36.184 So what, I can’t tell a joke now? 00:07:36.234 --> 00:07:39.137 I’m not saying you can’t tell appropriate jokes here at work but... 00:07:39.162 --> 00:07:42.201 jokes that are aimed at another person are hurtful, 00:07:42.225 --> 00:07:43.856 even if you don’t realize it. 00:07:43.881 --> 00:07:45.646 Will you stop teasing Liz? 00:07:45.670 --> 00:07:46.962 I guess. 00:07:47.176 --> 00:07:49.810 - But I still… - Tyler, I need your commitment. 00:07:49.835 --> 00:07:53.521 Just as you want to be treated with respect, so does everyone else. 00:07:53.938 --> 00:07:56.356 Okay, fine. I’ll stop. 00:07:57.067 --> 00:07:59.978 Thanks, Tyler. I really appreciate your cooperation.