WEBVTT 00:01:22.367 --> 00:01:24.579 I can’t believe how well you restored this! 00:01:24.604 --> 00:01:27.370 Well, I’m glad you like it. I can tell how special it is to you. 00:01:27.395 --> 00:01:28.623 Thank you so much! 00:01:28.648 --> 00:01:30.871 Well, stop in again when you think I can help. 00:01:30.896 --> 00:01:32.111 I will. Thank you. 00:01:32.135 --> 00:01:33.542 Okay, take care. 00:01:34.900 --> 00:01:39.521 Hi, I’m Sarah Jasper, and I was wondering if you can fix this antique clock? 00:01:39.757 --> 00:01:41.057 Absolutely. 00:01:41.081 --> 00:01:42.995 That’s what I do… fix things. 00:01:43.019 --> 00:01:45.780 Good. I wish I could fix things at work. 00:01:46.102 --> 00:01:47.568 What’s the problem? 00:01:47.759 --> 00:01:49.745 Oh, my team complains a lot. 00:01:49.769 --> 00:01:52.342 I feel like I’m always having to lay down the law. 00:01:52.706 --> 00:01:56.541 People who come into my shop all seem to have one thing in common. 00:01:56.687 --> 00:02:00.743 They all have to deal with conflict, whether at work or at home. 00:02:01.042 --> 00:02:02.757 It’s a part of life. 00:02:03.273 --> 00:02:05.370 These old clocks have taught me a simple 00:02:05.394 --> 00:02:08.215 yet very effective way to deal with conflict. 00:02:08.457 --> 00:02:11.166 I use TIME to my advantage. 00:02:11.190 --> 00:02:13.671 Ya see, whenever conflict arises for me, 00:02:13.696 --> 00:02:17.381 I take a moment to collect myself before responding. 00:02:17.541 --> 00:02:18.838 This short pause... 00:02:18.862 --> 00:02:22.682 gives me a chance to identify a positive response 00:02:22.706 --> 00:02:25.091 to make things better, not worse. 00:02:25.116 --> 00:02:28.054 It’s also important that I manage my emotions. 00:02:28.112 --> 00:02:31.669 This means I don’t allow any negative emotions I might feel 00:02:31.744 --> 00:02:34.682 to cause me to overreact or take it personally. 00:02:34.706 --> 00:02:38.116 Last, I envision a successful outcome. 00:02:38.263 --> 00:02:41.434 When I create a clear positive picture in my mind 00:02:41.459 --> 00:02:43.685 of what I want the outcome to be. 00:02:44.127 --> 00:02:45.513 It’s more likely to happen. 00:02:46.037 --> 00:02:49.354 Now, it may sound simple, yet it takes practice. 00:02:49.427 --> 00:02:53.025 Most of us have learned to deal with conflict by using a fight, 00:02:53.050 --> 00:02:55.821 flight or freeze response. 00:02:55.845 --> 00:03:00.169 These responses usually result in negative outcomes. 00:03:00.938 --> 00:03:04.069 Given Sarah’s comment about laying down the law, 00:03:04.280 --> 00:03:06.988 I’m guessing she uses a fight response. 00:03:07.547 --> 00:03:09.062 Well... So... 00:03:09.087 --> 00:03:12.814 team troubles huh? Well, sounds like you have a fight on your hands? 00:03:13.159 --> 00:03:16.957 I guess. Sometimes people just need to know who’s in charge. 00:03:17.279 --> 00:03:21.229 Sounds frustrating? Well, I think maybe I can help. May I? 00:03:21.395 --> 00:03:24.599 Alright. Here’s what I deal with… 00:03:25.210 --> 00:03:30.382 Sarah I can’t make this deadline. This report seems like busy work to me. 00:03:30.795 --> 00:03:32.810 Is it really necessary? Are you kidding? 00:03:32.835 --> 00:03:35.741 Senior management is asking for this “busy work.” 00:03:35.766 --> 00:03:39.616 Frankly, I don’t care whether you want to do it or not. Get it to me today! 00:03:41.125 --> 00:03:43.178 How many meetings do we need? 00:03:43.308 --> 00:03:45.841 People are texting me because I’m always tied up. 00:03:45.944 --> 00:03:49.197 I can’t get anything done cuz I’m in meetings all the time. 00:03:49.404 --> 00:03:52.983 I need to send myself a meeting request just to get to my emails. 00:03:53.376 --> 00:03:55.900 And these sales goals…are so unrealistic. 00:03:56.130 --> 00:03:59.334 I’m tired of hearing “Be more productive”, “Maximize your efforts.” 00:03:59.359 --> 00:04:00.971 Okay! Stop! 00:04:01.295 --> 00:04:03.370 I’ve had enough of your complaining. 00:04:03.394 --> 00:04:05.000 I’m sick of this! 00:04:05.539 --> 00:04:10.481 I have tons of resumes so any of you can be replaced. 00:04:11.282 --> 00:04:14.788 Now, item 1 - budgets. 00:04:16.171 --> 00:04:18.365 I can see you have some tough challenges. 00:04:18.390 --> 00:04:21.314 Do you think there’s any consequences from all this yelling? 00:04:21.339 --> 00:04:22.381 Maybe? 00:04:22.600 --> 00:04:25.752 Part of my job is to promote a respectful workplace but.. 00:04:25.869 --> 00:04:27.440 I’m probably not doing that. 00:04:27.464 --> 00:04:30.065 I just don’t know a better way to get things done. 00:04:30.735 --> 00:04:35.629 Our friend, Sarah, has learned to use a Fight response to conflict. 00:04:35.834 --> 00:04:39.606 Her team’s complaints were a trigger, or stressor for Sarah. 00:04:39.964 --> 00:04:44.147 Sometimes it’s a person’s words, tone of voice or even body language. 00:04:44.369 --> 00:04:49.136 When triggered, people tense up. They feel angry or frustrated. 00:04:49.776 --> 00:04:53.169 Now, the trigger stirs up an underlying fear. 00:04:53.194 --> 00:04:57.225 I may fear I’ll fail, or that the other person doesn’t respect me. 00:04:57.320 --> 00:05:01.372 This in turn leads to my default response pattern - 00:05:01.396 --> 00:05:03.643 fight, flight or freeze. 00:05:04.254 --> 00:05:07.420 Once we recognize our own triggers, our fears, 00:05:07.444 --> 00:05:10.011 and our default response pattern, 00:05:10.036 --> 00:05:12.429 we can choose a better response. 00:05:12.453 --> 00:05:15.613 Our new response breaks that negative pattern. 00:05:16.037 --> 00:05:19.131 I think Sarah’s fears may have to do with respect. 00:05:19.314 --> 00:05:23.095 Ironically, her default response to fight back 00:05:23.120 --> 00:05:25.964 is making her team members feel disrespected. 00:05:25.996 --> 00:05:30.046 Why do you feel the need to push back so hard? Because they question my authority. 00:05:30.071 --> 00:05:32.899 Okay. They think I don’t know what I’m doing. 00:05:33.449 --> 00:05:36.216 So, can it be fixed? Uh…yes to both. 00:05:36.368 --> 00:05:37.310 Both? 00:05:37.335 --> 00:05:40.436 Yeah, the workings within this clock and how you react. 00:05:40.461 --> 00:05:41.724 What do you mean? 00:05:41.749 --> 00:05:43.691 Well, let me show you. 00:05:45.874 --> 00:05:47.897 See how both hands point to 12? 00:05:48.470 --> 00:05:52.814 Let’s say you felt disrespected at 12:00 when your team complained. Alright. 00:05:52.909 --> 00:05:54.870 Well, now we turn time forward… 00:05:55.233 --> 00:05:58.429 At 3:00, your “Fight” instinct was released. 00:05:58.454 --> 00:06:02.604 This is when you told your team you could find replacements for them. Yeah. 00:06:02.795 --> 00:06:07.536 Now, at 6:00, it was time for your team to react, I’m guessing things got worse. 00:06:07.561 --> 00:06:10.066 Yeah, they pretty much shut down and tuned out. 00:06:10.091 --> 00:06:12.110 Nothing was accomplished at that meeting. 00:06:12.135 --> 00:06:15.587 Okay, so now we’re at 9:00, your next reaction? 00:06:15.860 --> 00:06:17.874 When that happened, I got mad... 00:06:17.899 --> 00:06:20.895 and I made a snide remark about people not caring... 00:06:21.260 --> 00:06:24.017 Hm… I’m beginning to see a pattern. 00:06:24.184 --> 00:06:27.746 And my comments at 3:00 and 9:00 just made things worse. 00:06:27.906 --> 00:06:30.365 Yes. But we have a choice. 00:06:30.777 --> 00:06:33.502 If the way I decide to fix this clock doesn’t work, 00:06:33.527 --> 00:06:35.301 I can try a different approach. 00:06:35.541 --> 00:06:39.349 If our response pattern to a stressful trigger isn’t working, 00:06:39.374 --> 00:06:42.288 well, we can just choose a better response. 00:06:42.446 --> 00:06:46.231 So, the next time the clock strikes 12 for you, 00:06:46.471 --> 00:06:48.369 Take a Moment before reacting. 00:06:48.611 --> 00:06:52.318 Now, how might you take a moment when your team members are complaining? 00:06:52.343 --> 00:06:55.610 Hmmm… I’d literally pause, 00:06:55.635 --> 00:06:58.307 take a deep breath and think before I reacted. 00:06:58.332 --> 00:06:59.835 Okay, good! 00:06:59.859 --> 00:07:03.088 Now, what’s stopping you from responding in a positive way? 00:07:03.113 --> 00:07:05.595 I get mad because I take things personally. 00:07:05.620 --> 00:07:08.678 Well, that’s a common reaction. But is it really about you? 00:07:08.703 --> 00:07:10.545 Yes at first! 00:07:11.437 --> 00:07:13.047 But I see what you’re saying. 00:07:13.072 --> 00:07:16.270 They’re probably just frustrated, stressed like the rest of us. 00:07:16.295 --> 00:07:18.407 What would happen if you didn’t take it personally? 00:07:18.831 --> 00:07:20.496 I probably wouldn’t be so abrupt. 00:07:20.521 --> 00:07:23.968 Okay. Well..so, if that’s true, how would you respond? 00:07:24.515 --> 00:07:26.546 Well, instead of jumping on them, 00:07:26.570 --> 00:07:28.923 I’d ask them what was really going on? 00:07:29.359 --> 00:07:33.620 Ok… So, let’s say you offer a positive response 00:07:33.644 --> 00:07:35.757 but they still give you some harsh feedback 00:07:35.781 --> 00:07:37.460 and you find yourself getting angry. 00:07:37.485 --> 00:07:38.003 Now what? 00:07:38.028 --> 00:07:40.520 I know how I am, I’ve had plenty of assessments. 00:07:40.545 --> 00:07:43.350 I’m just not a touchy, feely person. 00:07:43.375 --> 00:07:44.744 I’d probably lash out. 00:07:44.769 --> 00:07:47.149 Well, actually, that’s not WHO YOU ARE. 00:07:47.173 --> 00:07:49.224 It’s just what you’ve done in the past. 00:07:49.249 --> 00:07:50.792 We’re changing that now. 00:07:50.989 --> 00:07:53.549 This time, you can Manage Your Emotions. 00:07:53.574 --> 00:07:55.199 That’s easier said than done. 00:07:55.310 --> 00:07:59.437 True, but it helps to assume the best about the other person. 00:07:59.462 --> 00:08:02.537 Now, most people aren’t trying to make our lives miserable. 00:08:02.736 --> 00:08:04.938 The message delivery may get rough, 00:08:05.081 --> 00:08:08.695 but the underlying point a person’s trying to make is usually valid. 00:08:08.720 --> 00:08:12.484 So what you’re saying is if I give someone the benefit of the doubt, 00:08:12.509 --> 00:08:13.994 I can stay calm? 00:08:14.019 --> 00:08:18.766 Absolutely. You’ll hear their ideas and not get hung up on the words they’re using. 00:08:19.036 --> 00:08:23.545 And now, when you’re calm, you can envision a successful outcome. 00:08:23.570 --> 00:08:24.714 What do you mean? 00:08:24.819 --> 00:08:26.736 Well… think about your team. 00:08:26.761 --> 00:08:28.813 What would a successful meeting look like? 00:08:28.838 --> 00:08:34.924 Ohh... we’d listen to each other, solve problems and be productive! 00:08:34.949 --> 00:08:38.148 Now... that’s a positive vision. But no group hug. 00:08:38.173 --> 00:08:40.854 Fair enough... okay. 00:08:41.918 --> 00:08:44.226 Okay, so everything’s due on Friday. 00:08:44.702 --> 00:08:45.780 That’s fine. 00:08:46.005 --> 00:08:48.470 And I don’t mean to sound like a broken record here, but 00:08:48.495 --> 00:08:50.539 do we really need to have all of these meetings? 00:08:50.569 --> 00:08:53.983 Yeah. I feel like maybe you just haven’t thought this all the way through. 00:08:56.312 --> 00:08:58.995 I can see that you’re frustrated. Tell me why. 00:08:59.020 --> 00:09:03.110 My task list keeps getting longer. These meetings just take up a lot of time. 00:09:03.135 --> 00:09:04.199 How about the rest of you? 00:09:04.224 --> 00:09:07.261 It’s like we can’t move fast enough on the treadmill to keep up. 00:09:07.286 --> 00:09:09.569 I think we’re all feeling stressed. 00:09:09.593 --> 00:09:12.090 I see, and I’m glad you brought this up. 00:09:12.367 --> 00:09:13.891 Let’s talk solutions. 00:09:14.190 --> 00:09:15.456 Tim, do you have any ideas? 00:09:15.565 --> 00:09:17.983 Well, I know it’s important to meet. 00:09:18.008 --> 00:09:22.031 But what if we met every other day, or maybe scale back the time each day? 00:09:22.093 --> 00:09:23.886 Yeah. That would help. 00:09:24.038 --> 00:09:27.918 And maybe we can spend just a little less time on each agenda item? 00:09:28.321 --> 00:09:29.753 This is good. 00:09:30.361 --> 00:09:31.580 Anybody else? 00:09:31.825 --> 00:09:33.280 I think I have an idea. 00:09:43.294 --> 00:09:46.019 Sarah, I really thought the way you handled the situation 00:09:46.043 --> 00:09:48.424 with the group earlier today was good. 00:09:48.500 --> 00:09:50.863 Thanks. I had great advice from a friend. 00:09:50.888 --> 00:09:53.787 But you made it happen. I wish I could. 00:09:53.812 --> 00:09:55.195 Did you run into a problem? 00:09:55.219 --> 00:09:57.240 Yeah. It happened yesterday. 00:09:58.630 --> 00:10:01.836 I’ve had it with Tyler! Today, he bowed down in front of everyone, 00:10:01.941 --> 00:10:05.445 ‘Oh, your Highness, I see you came to grace us with your presence 00:10:05.470 --> 00:10:07.054 and you’re only 10 minutes late.’ 00:10:07.079 --> 00:10:09.681 He knew I was in another meeting and was gonna be late. 00:10:09.817 --> 00:10:13.530 I told him to knock it off but he won’t. Can you please get him to stop? 00:10:13.555 --> 00:10:15.245 You know how he is. 00:10:15.269 --> 00:10:16.928 Can’t you just deal with it? 00:10:16.952 --> 00:10:19.015 I’ve got all I can handle. 00:10:19.108 --> 00:10:20.240 Great! 00:10:22.684 --> 00:10:24.400 That sounds like a tough situation. 00:10:24.424 --> 00:10:26.279 I’d like to help but I have to go. 00:10:26.385 --> 00:10:28.064 Actually, could you do me a favor? 00:10:28.088 --> 00:10:28.915 Sure. 00:10:28.940 --> 00:10:30.806 You know that repair shop down the street? 00:10:30.830 --> 00:10:32.307 Uh... the one on Main Street? Ya? 00:10:32.332 --> 00:10:35.690 Yes. They have my antique clock and I’m supposed to pick it up today but I can’t. 00:10:35.715 --> 00:10:38.125 I was wondering if you could get it for me. It will really help me out. 00:10:38.150 --> 00:10:39.570 Sure. I can get it after work. 00:10:39.601 --> 00:10:40.749 Great. Thanks. 00:10:40.773 --> 00:10:44.830 And I think you’ll find the shop owner to be a very interesting person. 00:10:44.930 --> 00:10:47.613 Ooookay. I’ll bring your clock tomorrow. 00:10:48.627 --> 00:10:49.982 Hey! Got a minute? 00:10:50.006 --> 00:10:50.988 Yeah, sure. 00:10:51.413 --> 00:10:53.728 I’m afraid I’m gonna ruin this with the grinder. 00:10:53.945 --> 00:10:57.170 Well, ya know I think if you stick a little shim up under that grinder, 00:10:57.205 --> 00:11:00.597 you can angle it up and get to the rough spots without damaging the paint. 00:11:00.622 --> 00:11:01.402 I’ll try that. 00:11:01.426 --> 00:11:02.384 Okay, good. 00:11:02.758 --> 00:11:04.009 Hi! How may I help you? 00:11:04.033 --> 00:11:06.237 I’m here to pick up a clock for Sarah Jasper. 00:11:06.269 --> 00:11:07.856 Sar... Ohhhh! Umm... 00:11:07.881 --> 00:11:09.305 Interesting situation. 00:11:09.330 --> 00:11:11.328 That’s not gonna be ready for about another week. 00:11:11.353 --> 00:11:12.393 It’s not finished? 00:11:12.417 --> 00:11:14.258 No, there were some complications, 00:11:14.283 --> 00:11:16.122 but we’ll make sure to get it up and running right. 00:11:16.146 --> 00:11:18.368 I know all about complications. 00:11:18.393 --> 00:11:21.939 Oh, doesn’t seem like we’re talking about clock repairs now, are we? 00:11:21.964 --> 00:11:23.189 You caught me. 00:11:23.213 --> 00:11:27.828 I… someone I supervise at work asked me for help, and I let her down. 00:11:27.853 --> 00:11:28.734 Oh? 00:11:28.759 --> 00:11:31.626 Well, I have two employees and they don’t get along. 00:11:31.650 --> 00:11:34.415 One likes to tease, and he upset the other one. 00:11:34.440 --> 00:11:36.745 And, it’s not the first time it’s happened. 00:11:36.770 --> 00:11:40.238 So, did the person who was teased come to you for help? 00:11:40.531 --> 00:11:42.632 Yeah, but I think I did the right thing 00:11:42.657 --> 00:11:45.693 when I told her to work it out with him a few weeks ago. 00:11:45.805 --> 00:11:48.136 She tried, but he didn’t stop. 00:11:48.251 --> 00:11:51.815 She came back to me for help and I kinda blew her off. 00:11:52.101 --> 00:11:54.819 Looks like she used a “Flight” response. 00:11:54.851 --> 00:11:56.915 And yet as a supervisor... 00:11:56.940 --> 00:11:59.677 it’s really her job to address the problem. 00:11:59.846 --> 00:12:00.830 Not avoid it. 00:12:00.855 --> 00:12:03.920 And there’s a downside the problem doesn’t go away, 00:12:03.944 --> 00:12:06.534 in fact it only gets worse. 00:12:06.801 --> 00:12:10.826 The request for help was a trigger, or stressor to Fiona. 00:12:11.162 --> 00:12:13.740 She’s probably afraid if she gets involved, 00:12:13.875 --> 00:12:16.944 she’ll make someone mad and damage a relationship. 00:12:16.969 --> 00:12:19.013 Sounds like you wanted to take Flight. 00:12:19.442 --> 00:12:20.504 I wanted to what? 00:12:20.529 --> 00:12:24.709 Sometimes when we’re stressed, our body goes into a “Flight,” response mode. 00:12:24.892 --> 00:12:27.917 When we take “Flight,” we avoid taking action. 00:12:27.957 --> 00:12:31.532 Well I definitely want to avoid confrontation at all costs. 00:12:31.663 --> 00:12:35.522 I get this nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach, it’s awful. 00:12:35.671 --> 00:12:37.954 Understandable. Mind if I show ya something? 00:12:37.978 --> 00:12:38.904 Please. 00:12:38.929 --> 00:12:42.375 Okay. Well, I know a broken clock won’t fix itself. 00:12:42.399 --> 00:12:45.574 If I don’t act, the problem can affect the rest of the clock. 00:12:45.599 --> 00:12:47.349 Now, the workplace is just like this. 00:12:47.373 --> 00:12:49.725 An employee who treats others poorly… 00:12:49.916 --> 00:12:52.768 it’s like a gear that slips in a clock. 00:12:53.109 --> 00:12:56.189 His actions are affecting the whole rest of the team. 00:12:56.933 --> 00:12:58.667 I think I see where you’re going with this. 00:12:58.692 --> 00:13:02.839 So, if I act to resolve the problem between the employees, then 00:13:02.863 --> 00:13:04.584 I protect the team as a whole? 00:13:04.655 --> 00:13:06.063 Yes, that’s right. 00:13:06.087 --> 00:13:09.129 Now, I can tell you’re very worried about hurting other people. 00:13:09.301 --> 00:13:10.609 But you can get past that. 00:13:10.633 --> 00:13:14.589 I mean, remember, your entire team will benefit if you act. 00:13:14.654 --> 00:13:18.461 I understand. But still just thinking about it makes me nervous. 00:13:18.905 --> 00:13:21.058 Okay. Let’s see if we can help with that. 00:13:21.530 --> 00:13:25.111 Okay, let’s say at 12:00, your employee 00:13:25.135 --> 00:13:27.211 came to you to complain about your co-worker. 00:13:27.236 --> 00:13:29.230 This is your stressful event, your trigger. 00:13:29.254 --> 00:13:30.768 My high-noon moment. 00:13:30.793 --> 00:13:33.571 Well, exactly. How did you respond? 00:13:33.638 --> 00:13:35.956 Well, I totally avoided the situation. 00:13:35.980 --> 00:13:38.705 I told her I was busy… and she left upset. 00:13:38.774 --> 00:13:41.203 Okay. So what do you think happened next? 00:13:41.446 --> 00:13:45.053 Well if I know the employee… she didn’t just let it lie. 00:13:45.887 --> 00:13:50.943 So, if she was upset after meeting with you at 3:00, 00:13:51.329 --> 00:13:53.734 can we assume that at 6:00, 00:13:53.759 --> 00:13:57.705 that she handled her next encounter with the employee in a negative way? 00:13:57.749 --> 00:14:01.203 Yeah… She probably said something that wasn’t nice and... 00:14:01.228 --> 00:14:03.103 who knows… she might have even complained about 00:14:03.128 --> 00:14:04.751 both of us to a different co-worker. 00:14:04.776 --> 00:14:07.726 Okay, let’s say she said something sarcastic 00:14:07.750 --> 00:14:09.695 the next time she saw the young man. 00:14:09.895 --> 00:14:14.323 Is it possible that he would retaliate against her in some way at 9:00? 00:14:14.348 --> 00:14:15.418 Most definitely! 00:14:15.442 --> 00:14:17.041 Are you starting to see a pattern? 00:14:17.205 --> 00:14:19.923 We’re just going in circles. How do I stop this? 00:14:20.057 --> 00:14:23.524 Well, let’s try something different. At 12:00, there’s the showdown. 00:14:23.574 --> 00:14:27.343 Something hurtful is said and the young lady asks you for help. 00:14:27.677 --> 00:14:31.234 And instead of reacting right away, take a moment. 00:14:31.763 --> 00:14:34.422 You mean get my composure before reacting? 00:14:34.479 --> 00:14:37.367 Yes. Take a moment to think about it. You know... 00:14:37.399 --> 00:14:40.739 Sometimes taking a couple of deep breaths before speaking helps. 00:14:40.782 --> 00:14:44.475 That’s a good idea. When I don’t pause to think, I get overwhelmed. 00:14:44.500 --> 00:14:48.833 And then, my knee-jerk reaction is just to avoid dealing with the situation. 00:14:48.913 --> 00:14:52.874 So, after you’ve paused and you get ready to respond at 3:00, 00:14:53.101 --> 00:14:56.275 next, you’ll identify a positive response. 00:14:56.457 --> 00:14:58.753 That… that’s a good idea cuz then I’ve taken a moment 00:14:58.778 --> 00:15:01.720 to think about it and I can come up with a better response. 00:15:01.837 --> 00:15:03.608 And that might be?? 00:15:03.668 --> 00:15:08.372 Well, instead of blowing her off, I can tell her I’ll look into it. 00:15:08.428 --> 00:15:12.063 She needs to know I care and that I’m not avoiding her. 00:15:12.151 --> 00:15:13.725 How does that make you feel? 00:15:14.063 --> 00:15:16.395 Well, honestly… Pretty nervous. 00:15:16.587 --> 00:15:18.201 Well, that’s normal. 00:15:18.468 --> 00:15:22.959 Fear is your body’s natural response to being forced out of its typical pattern. 00:15:22.984 --> 00:15:25.439 Now, in the past, you’ve chosen to flee... 00:15:25.463 --> 00:15:27.673 but now, you’ve decided to act. 00:15:27.769 --> 00:15:33.583 So, let’s say that at 3:00 you decide to confront the employee who teases. 00:15:33.797 --> 00:15:38.246 Now as the clock moves forward, you’re gonna need to manage your emotions. 00:15:38.554 --> 00:15:41.711 Ok, let’s say I ask him to stop teasing. 00:15:41.736 --> 00:15:42.989 He might get mad at me? 00:15:43.022 --> 00:15:46.225 Well, he might. But remember, 00:15:46.360 --> 00:15:50.356 you’re doing this to support a respectful workplace for everyone. 00:15:51.379 --> 00:15:55.656 I understand. I think I can manage my emotions and stay with it. 00:15:55.699 --> 00:15:56.710 There you go! 00:15:56.734 --> 00:15:58.319 But I don’t know what to say. 00:15:58.473 --> 00:16:03.290 Well, the words will come once you envision a successful outcome. 00:16:03.315 --> 00:16:05.356 Now, what does your ideal outcome look like? 00:16:05.400 --> 00:16:09.143 Well, that he stop teasing and they both get along. 00:16:09.443 --> 00:16:11.079 Well, I like that picture. 00:16:11.104 --> 00:16:12.045 Me, too. 00:16:12.070 --> 00:16:12.956 Thanks! 00:16:12.980 --> 00:16:14.013 You’re welcome! 00:16:16.382 --> 00:16:18.132 Hi. Hey, I’m sorry to interrupt. 00:16:18.157 --> 00:16:20.194 I’m just about ready to… 00:16:20.218 --> 00:16:21.832 I’m so frustrated with Tyler. 00:16:21.857 --> 00:16:24.623 - Steve, could we reschedule? - Absolutely. I’m around all afternoon. 00:16:25.358 --> 00:16:27.787 I’m sorry to interrupt. He’s at it again. 00:16:27.812 --> 00:16:31.202 Tyler just does not know when to stop. I’ve done all I can. 00:16:31.337 --> 00:16:33.969 Okay. Let me think about this for a second. 00:16:34.874 --> 00:16:37.054 There’s obviously an issue here. 00:16:37.078 --> 00:16:38.774 I’ll look into it right away. 00:16:38.987 --> 00:16:41.195 Thank you, Fiona. I appreciate it. 00:16:43.123 --> 00:16:43.951 Hi, Tyler. 00:16:43.976 --> 00:16:46.205 Hey, what brings you to this neck of the woods? 00:16:46.230 --> 00:16:48.612 I’ve got something to talk to you about. Do you have a minute? 00:16:48.637 --> 00:16:49.565 What’s up? 00:16:49.590 --> 00:16:51.578 You know I value what you do, right? 00:16:51.815 --> 00:16:52.695 Yeah. 00:16:52.777 --> 00:16:54.370 I can use your help with a problem. 00:16:54.394 --> 00:16:55.312 Shoot. 00:16:55.337 --> 00:16:57.419 I got a complaint that you called out Liz 00:16:57.444 --> 00:17:00.473 in front of everybody just for being a few minutes late. 00:17:00.700 --> 00:17:01.780 Are you kidding? 00:17:01.805 --> 00:17:04.305 She said you knew she was in a meeting. Is that true? 00:17:04.352 --> 00:17:07.189 Yeah… but I was just joking. She needs to lighten up! 00:17:07.227 --> 00:17:10.636 Even if you don’t mean it, most people are hurt when they’re teased. 00:17:10.775 --> 00:17:12.484 So what, I can’t tell a joke now? 00:17:12.534 --> 00:17:15.437 I’m not saying you can’t tell appropriate jokes here at work but... 00:17:15.462 --> 00:17:18.501 jokes that are aimed at another person are hurtful, 00:17:18.525 --> 00:17:20.156 even if you don’t realize it. 00:17:20.181 --> 00:17:21.946 Will you stop teasing Liz? 00:17:21.970 --> 00:17:23.262 I guess. 00:17:23.476 --> 00:17:26.110 - But I still… - Tyler, I need your commitment. 00:17:26.135 --> 00:17:29.821 Just as you want to be treated with respect, so does everyone else. 00:17:30.238 --> 00:17:32.656 Okay, fine. I’ll stop. 00:17:33.367 --> 00:17:36.278 Thanks, Tyler. I really appreciate your cooperation. 00:17:50.640 --> 00:17:52.332 - Got a second? - Uh… sure. 00:17:52.451 --> 00:17:55.503 I overheard your discussion with Tyler. 00:17:55.715 --> 00:17:59.120 It took courage to tell him he was out of line. I wish I could do that. 00:17:59.167 --> 00:18:01.792 I get tongue-tied and I can’t think of what to say. 00:18:01.817 --> 00:18:03.571 I completely understand. 00:18:03.595 --> 00:18:06.704 We all have to step out of our comfort zone from time to time. 00:18:07.112 --> 00:18:08.672 Hey Can I ask you a favor? 00:18:08.696 --> 00:18:09.583 Sure. 00:18:09.608 --> 00:18:11.350 I need you to work in receiving on Tuesday 00:18:11.374 --> 00:18:14.156 and help a technician I have coming in. Ok? 00:18:14.356 --> 00:18:15.769 Sure. A technician? 00:18:15.787 --> 00:18:18.727 You know, I’d love to talk more but I gotta go finish my reports. 00:18:18.752 --> 00:18:20.618 Just be there on Tuesday. Ok? 00:18:20.787 --> 00:18:22.322 - Alright? - Thanks. 00:18:24.463 --> 00:18:26.357 Oh... Let me give you a hand with that. 00:18:26.381 --> 00:18:27.277 Thanks! 00:18:27.302 --> 00:18:28.253 Glad I was here to help. 00:18:28.277 --> 00:18:29.672 Yeah, me too. 00:18:30.656 --> 00:18:32.945 Hey, are you the technician I’m supposed to meet with? 00:18:33.223 --> 00:18:34.508 - Are you Steve? - Yeah. 00:18:34.533 --> 00:18:36.283 Then yeah, I’m the guy. I’m the clock guy. 00:18:36.416 --> 00:18:37.493 Clock guy? 00:18:37.517 --> 00:18:40.488 Oh, I get it, you’re putting in a clock for us. 00:18:40.679 --> 00:18:43.137 But Fiona said you were some sorta tech guy? 00:18:43.370 --> 00:18:45.100 Well, I like to restore things 00:18:45.124 --> 00:18:48.694 and bring them back to a level of quality that all can appreciate. 00:18:48.772 --> 00:18:50.422 I wish everyone saw it that way. 00:18:50.447 --> 00:18:52.700 Sounds like you’ve got something heavy on your mind too… 00:18:52.725 --> 00:18:54.508 want to tell me about it? 00:18:54.927 --> 00:18:57.742 Well, there’s this guy Harland. 00:18:57.766 --> 00:18:59.330 He’s on my case all the time. 00:19:01.457 --> 00:19:03.301 You stopped the line again! 00:19:03.326 --> 00:19:05.493 Yeah, that’s my bonus you’re messing with! 00:19:05.539 --> 00:19:06.933 What’s the holdup? 00:19:09.461 --> 00:19:12.608 Hey, maybe I wasn’t clear. So let me explain. 00:19:12.997 --> 00:19:16.317 The line keeps moving and we all get a bonus. 00:19:16.952 --> 00:19:19.650 So this guy intimidates you to get his way. 00:19:19.674 --> 00:19:21.316 Yeah! I don’t know what to say? 00:19:21.517 --> 00:19:24.924 It’s not uncommon for people like Steve to simply freeze up 00:19:24.955 --> 00:19:27.972 when another person uses an aggressive approach. 00:19:28.355 --> 00:19:30.545 Steve may think he’ll say the wrong thing 00:19:30.569 --> 00:19:33.447 and the person will get even more upset. 00:19:33.835 --> 00:19:37.914 Problem is, Steve’s lack of response won’t solve the problem. 00:19:37.993 --> 00:19:41.325 It sounds like you “Freeze,” or kinda shut down in situations like this. 00:19:41.350 --> 00:19:43.042 That’s me. Five minutes later I kick myself 00:19:43.067 --> 00:19:44.748 because I know what I should have said. 00:19:44.773 --> 00:19:46.174 Let me show you something. 00:19:46.199 --> 00:19:47.349 Okay, 00:19:47.373 --> 00:19:50.289 let’s say Harland comes to you at 12:00. 00:19:50.313 --> 00:19:51.497 What’s he say? 00:19:51.522 --> 00:19:54.082 He tells me in a pushy way to keep the line open, 00:19:54.106 --> 00:19:55.807 even though there may be a quality problem. 00:19:55.838 --> 00:19:57.335 Okay, okay. 00:19:57.359 --> 00:19:59.224 So at 3:00 you’re gonna respond. 00:19:59.248 --> 00:20:01.240 Now, describe your response. 00:20:02.004 --> 00:20:04.629 Well, there isn’t one... cuz I don’t say anything. 00:20:04.654 --> 00:20:08.099 Okay, well… you HAVE responded by not saying anything. 00:20:08.124 --> 00:20:11.082 I mean, what message does that send to Harland? 00:20:11.363 --> 00:20:13.152 So, he thinks I agree with him? 00:20:13.177 --> 00:20:18.459 Yeah. Alright, so then at 6:00 you see another imperfection, you stop the line, 00:20:18.484 --> 00:20:21.009 Harland comes up… what happens now? 00:20:21.444 --> 00:20:23.688 Same thing, except he gets louder the next time. 00:20:23.713 --> 00:20:26.589 Okay, so your response at 3:00 00:20:26.613 --> 00:20:29.889 and at 6:00 haven’t made the situation better. 00:20:30.150 --> 00:20:31.475 Are you seeing a pattern here? 00:20:31.499 --> 00:20:33.246 Yeah, but there’s nothing I can do about it. 00:20:33.271 --> 00:20:35.185 Alright, let’s try a different approach. 00:20:35.210 --> 00:20:38.612 At 12:00 you notice a problem, you shut down the line. 00:20:38.978 --> 00:20:43.209 Harland comes up to you and at that point you take a moment. 00:20:43.533 --> 00:20:47.280 And this will let you think about how you want to react. 00:20:47.566 --> 00:20:48.649 But that’s what I’ve been doing. 00:20:48.674 --> 00:20:51.519 Well okay, but instead of staying frozen, 00:20:51.544 --> 00:20:54.218 take a couple of deep breaths to calm yourself. 00:20:54.554 --> 00:20:57.016 And this will help you think more clearly. 00:20:57.109 --> 00:20:58.308 That’s an idea. 00:20:58.332 --> 00:20:59.454 Go ahead… try it. 00:21:02.210 --> 00:21:04.753 - Okay, cool. - Yeah! Alright! 00:21:04.786 --> 00:21:08.813 Okay, well when you do that you can “Identify a Positive Response.” 00:21:08.924 --> 00:21:11.353 Ya??? How’s that’s gonna happen, with Harland? 00:21:11.519 --> 00:21:14.402 Yeah, well I realize that this is difficult Steve... 00:21:14.427 --> 00:21:16.255 but you gotta stand up for what’s right. 00:21:16.456 --> 00:21:18.549 I mean, maybe you can approach Harland this way. 00:21:18.573 --> 00:21:19.859 Say… Look... 00:21:19.891 --> 00:21:21.852 I understand why you want to keep the line moving. 00:21:21.876 --> 00:21:23.497 We all want those bonuses. 00:21:23.522 --> 00:21:25.581 But at some point you’re gonna have to state your position 00:21:25.606 --> 00:21:26.888 that you’ve got a job to do. 00:21:26.889 --> 00:21:29.196 Sounds good but, I’m not sure it’ll work? 00:21:29.275 --> 00:21:30.431 Well, maybe not. 00:21:30.455 --> 00:21:35.851 Bottom line, you’ve got to make Harland understand what you will and won’t do, 00:21:35.876 --> 00:21:37.614 regardless of whether he agrees with you. 00:21:37.639 --> 00:21:41.127 I can see what you’re sayin’, I can’t give in to him and I don’t want to… 00:21:41.152 --> 00:21:43.358 but how do I keep myself from freaking out? 00:21:43.359 --> 00:21:44.792 Well, here’s what you can do… 00:21:44.816 --> 00:21:46.822 you can “manage your emotions.” 00:21:46.850 --> 00:21:49.620 Now, what emotions do you feel when Harland acts up? 00:21:49.858 --> 00:21:53.049 I hate to say it but I’m afraid of him, he’s pretty rough. 00:21:53.212 --> 00:21:55.014 So is he using violence or threats? 00:21:55.039 --> 00:21:57.854 Because if he is, it’s time to get management involved. 00:21:57.879 --> 00:21:59.768 No. He’s just pushy. 00:22:00.115 --> 00:22:02.144 Alright. Well, 00:22:02.169 --> 00:22:05.452 ya know, sometimes the things we’re afraid of, never really happen. 00:22:05.490 --> 00:22:09.661 I mean, could it be that possibly you’re over exaggerating this fear? 00:22:09.883 --> 00:22:12.382 Probably. I get it. 00:22:12.407 --> 00:22:14.150 I gotta get past this and deal with it. 00:22:14.416 --> 00:22:16.426 Well, here’s something else that could help… 00:22:16.913 --> 00:22:19.388 “envision a successful outcome.” 00:22:19.650 --> 00:22:22.121 What does a successful outcome look like to you? 00:22:22.160 --> 00:22:24.145 Ahh... I doubt Harland will like it, but... 00:22:24.170 --> 00:22:26.821 I’ll feel better if he quits coming down on me when I stop the line. 00:22:26.846 --> 00:22:28.691 Okay. Sounds like you’re up for the challenge. 00:22:28.715 --> 00:22:29.817 I sure hope so. 00:22:29.842 --> 00:22:34.960 Alright. Just remember, this isn’t about you trying to be a hero or a tough guy. 00:22:34.985 --> 00:22:37.552 This is about being honest and respectful. 00:22:37.775 --> 00:22:41.035 I’m still nervous, but I think I can pull it off. 00:22:41.092 --> 00:22:42.041 - Alright. - Thanks. 00:22:42.066 --> 00:22:44.230 Alright! You’re welcome. Take good care. 00:22:47.350 --> 00:22:49.352 You’ve shut the line down three times today. 00:22:49.376 --> 00:22:51.456 What is your problem? 00:22:53.627 --> 00:22:57.724 I know you want that bonus, so do I, but I can’t pass these products. 00:22:57.749 --> 00:23:00.289 Why? These are good enough. What’s the big deal? 00:23:00.290 --> 00:23:03.818 The big deal is… that they’re not good enough and I have to stop the line. 00:23:03.873 --> 00:23:06.836 Look, you need to back off and keep the line moving. 00:23:07.023 --> 00:23:08.847 I know you want that bonus to get that bike 00:23:08.871 --> 00:23:11.260 but our quality standards are what they are. 00:23:11.497 --> 00:23:13.946 We have an obligation to meet our company’s standard for customer satisfaction… 00:23:13.971 --> 00:23:15.566 Hey, hey! I don’t care. 00:23:15.590 --> 00:23:16.756 Well I do. 00:23:19.123 --> 00:23:20.566 You’re not gonna give up on this, are you? 00:23:20.590 --> 00:23:22.301 No. I won’t. 00:23:39.898 --> 00:23:41.093 Ah… my clock. 00:23:42.811 --> 00:23:45.359 As it just told you, you are right on time. 00:23:45.452 --> 00:23:48.159 Well, great seeing you again. Thank you for all your hard work. 00:23:48.184 --> 00:23:50.563 I think you’ll find it works well. 00:23:50.594 --> 00:23:53.642 That’s not the only thing. You’ve done more than you know. 00:23:53.683 --> 00:23:55.631 Well, it’s my pleasure. 00:23:55.687 --> 00:23:58.625 My outlook on management has changed dramatically. 00:23:58.719 --> 00:24:01.592 I don’t yell anymore, well at not as much as I used to. 00:24:01.649 --> 00:24:02.768 I’m learning. 00:24:02.792 --> 00:24:06.670 And Fiona shared with me how she addresses issues right away 00:24:07.012 --> 00:24:10.254 and an employee has stepped up to be a team leader. 00:24:10.444 --> 00:24:12.809 Oh! Excellent. Glad to hear. 00:24:13.121 --> 00:24:17.264 You know, people can change once they recognize their faulty response patterns. 00:24:17.289 --> 00:24:19.905 Exactly… we’ve learned a better way. 00:24:20.359 --> 00:24:24.896 Indeed. You know, this old clock has helped a lot of people over the years. 00:24:25.145 --> 00:24:29.049 It all comes down to taking the “time” to resolve workplace conflict. 00:24:29.473 --> 00:24:32.042 We take a moment, to give ourselves some time. 00:24:32.066 --> 00:24:35.212 Then, identify a positive response. 00:24:35.269 --> 00:24:37.575 Because the approach that didn’t work last time… 00:24:37.599 --> 00:24:39.524 eh… probably won’t work this time. 00:24:39.915 --> 00:24:44.606 Next, we manage our emotions so we won’t over react or take it personally. 00:24:44.790 --> 00:24:48.239 And finally, we envision a successful outcome. 00:24:48.263 --> 00:24:51.480 If I think I’ll succeed, chances are I will. 00:24:51.583 --> 00:24:54.069 Well, thank you for taking the “time” to share. 00:24:54.094 --> 00:24:56.481 Now I need to go out there and share what I’ve learned. 00:24:56.505 --> 00:24:57.957 All in good “time”. 00:24:57.982 --> 00:25:00.501 Good one. Good one. Alright.