The Cost of Broken Relationships
Damaged workplace relationships and unresolved conflicts can cause a tremendous personal and productivity toll. If you have experienced one or more conflicts that disrupt the flow of work, you’re not alone.
5 Strategies for Re-Building Relationships & Resolving Differences
Maybe it started with a comment or email message that struck a colleague the wrong way. Or perhaps you got that promotion, and a co-worker felt slighted.
Damaged workplace relationships and unresolved conflicts can cause a tremendous personal and productivity toll. If you have experienced one or more conflicts that disrupt the flow of work, you’re not alone. In fact, a CPP Inc. study suggests U.S. employees spend an average of 2.1 hours each week dealing with such conflicts, at a yearly cost to employers of $359 billion.
How can we regain some of that lost time, minimize the pain such conflicts create, and reduce these enormous costs? It starts with us:
1. Own the Problem
Even if you think the “fault” lies with the other person, take ownership for resolving the conflict. Ask to meet with the other person. The longer both sides dig in, the greater the pain and productivity cost.
2. Name the Conflict
As you meet, offer your view about the nature of the conflict. Focus on how you or others are impacted without blaming the other person.
3. Respect the Other Person’s Viewpoint
Even if we aren’t happy with someone else’s action, we can remember that there is a reason the person took that action. There may be information we haven’t considered.
Keep an open mind. Ask good questions, such as, What ideas do you have for resolving the problem? Listen to understand, and look for solutions that will meet the other person’s needs as well as your own.
4. Focus on the Relationship
As you think of outcomes you’d like to create as the conflict is resolved, make building a stronger relationship with the other person one of those outcomes. This is just as important as finding a concrete solution to a workplace issue. A stronger relationship will make it much easier to resolve any future workplace challenges the two of you may face.
5. Forgive to Let Go of Past Grievances
Let’s say you wonder if you can complete strategies 1-4 because the other person said or did something hurtful to you in the past. Staying focused on past grievances keeps us stuck in an unhealthy place. Even if the other person’s past behavior did harm us, when we keep talking about it with others or reliving it in our minds, it is as if we give this person permission to keep harming us.
The way to move beyond this “stuck in the past” place is to forgive the other person. When I forgive, I don’t excuse another person’s bad behavior. I do, however, decide to take that burden off of my back. As I forgive, I allow the other person to own his behavior, and I allow myself the freedom to move forward without anger. This benefits me, and the positive ripple effect touches others in the workplace and at home.
Use a Mediator to Help Stalemates
A referee’s job requires them to be an impartial expert on the game, clear headed, and capable of fairly applying the rules. During games, it would be impossible for coaches, players, and fans to make unbiased calls without a referee.
Similarly, in high-pressure work environments, differences between colleagues may lead to disputes that make it impossible for them to see past their biases, resulting in a conflict or stalemate.
In these instances, asking for the assistance of a “referee” or a neutral, third party colleague, may provide the necessary insight to tease out the cause of the miscommunication, which could be rooted in cultural, generational, or personality style differences.
Action Step: Reach out to an impartial referee to help resolve communication conflicts in a productive way when an impasse occurs.
Discussion Questions
- Who serves as the role of referee on our team? How do they help when conflicts arise?
- Think of a current issue our team or department is facing. What are ways we can help each other to approach this matter from a more neutral perspective?
- Can you think of a time when having a referee for the team would have been helpful? Who could we have turned to for assistance?
- What are the qualities of a good referee? How can we use these same qualities to help each other overcome stalemates?
Conflict Clock™ Earns Two Telly Awards
Conflict Clock: Taking T.I.M.E. to Resolve Conflict in the Workplace™ has won two Telly awards. The two winning categories include Training (Corporate Use) and Videography/Cinematography. This award-winning program is designed to help your employees, leaders and teams respond to workplace conflicts successfully. Conflict with another person can create stress – the kind of stress that can lead to a response that makes the problem worse, rather than better. Our bodies naturally gravitate toward a Fight, a Flight, or a Freeze response when we feel threatened or upset. These responses are generally not helpful.
Telly Awards honor excellence in television, non-broadcast video and TV programs. The Telly is one of the most sought-after awards by industry leaders, from large international firms to local production companies and ad agencies. With the quality of non-broadcast productions, traditional local & cable television commercials and programming on the rise, along with the world of online video continuing to rapidly evolve, the Telly's recognize and reward the outstanding.
